1. Pay attention to emotional pain – acknowledge when it happens and deal with it before it engulfs you

Our bodies evolved to sense physical pain and let us know something is wrong so we can treat it promptly. Emotional pain is the same. If your feelings of grief, disappointment at rejection, or failure don't get better, this means you're traumatized and you need to deal with it. Talking to someone close to you, or seeing a psychologist are all things you can do to get better care.

2. Redirect your instinctive reactions when you fail

The nature of psychological wounds makes them easy to lead to other wounds. Failure often prompts you to think about the things you can't change, the "ifs" or the "what ifs," instead of focusing on the things you can change. This makes it hard for you to work at your best, leading to more focus on your flaws, and the circle spins. To prevent this emotional spiral, try to ignore an instinctive reaction like feeling worthless or hopeless after a failure. Instead make a list of things that you could change if you were to try again. For example, think about preparation, planning, and how you can gradually improve them. Exercises like these can reduce feelings of despair and improve your chances of success later in life.

3. Monitor and protect your self-esteem

When you want to lower yourself, take a moment to love yourself more. Self-esteem is like an emotional immune system, protecting you from psychological pain. So it's very important to monitor it, protect it, and avoid putting yourself down, especially when you're already in pain. One way to “heal” a damaged self-esteem is to practice self-compassion – a little self-compassion. When you want to criticize yourself, do the following exercise: “Imagine your best friend is feeling bad for the same reason, and you are writing a comforting and supportive email. What will you say? Those are the messages you should be telling yourself.”

4. When negative thoughts take over, stop them with positive distractions

When you replay traumatic events in your mind without seeking new understanding or trying to solve problems, you're just brooding, and this, especially when it becomes a habit. familiarity, can lead to deeper psychological pain. The best way to prevent this bad habit of brooding is to distract yourself with exercises that require concentration (eg playing Sudoku, finding crosswords, recalling the names of your elementary school friends). . Research shows that just two minutes of distraction like this reduces the urge to focus on negative things.

5. Finding meaning in loss

Loss is a part of life, but it can leave scars and prevent us from moving on if we don't heal the emotional wound it leaves. If a period of time has passed and you are still struggling to get over the loss, you need to think about it again. In particular, the single most important thing you can do to ease your pain and recover is to find meaning in that loss and create a goal out of it. This can be difficult, but think about what you can gain from this loss (e.g., “I lost my partner, but I am getting closer and closer to my children” ). Think of new life appreciations you could have, or imagine the change you could make that will help you live a life closer to your values ​​and purpose.

6. Don't let guilt linger too long

Guilt can help. In small amounts, it alerts you to the need to take action to improve problems in your relationships with others. But too much guilt is also toxic, it wastes your emotions and energy, distracts you from other things, and prevents you from enjoying life. One of the best ways to deal with guilt is to offer an effective apology. Yes, you may have tried to apologize before, but apologies are often more complicated than we think. The most important ingredient in an effective apology – which many apologies still lack – is an “empathy statement.”. In other words, your apology should focus less on explaining why you did it and more on how your behavior (or words) affected the person. It's easier to forgive others if you feel they really understand. By apologizing, the person can truly forgive you and help your guilt go away.

7. Learn how to heal emotional wounds that work for you

Pay attention to yourself and know how you personally deal with common emotional wounds. For example, do you just brush it off? You will be very sad but it will pass very quickly? Are you sad and recovering slowly? Use this analysis to help yourself figure out which emotional first aid works best for you in different situations (the same way you know which pain reliever works best for you). The same goes for building emotional resilience. Try a few different methods and find out which is easiest for you to practice, and which works best. But most importantly, make it a habit to take regular mental health notes – especially after a stressful, difficult or painful event. Indeed, practicing emotional hygiene can take some time and effort, but it really increases the quality of your life.


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